29 Sep

Top 10 Suresh Kalmadi-CWG Jokes-Delhi 2010

A lot of SMSes and Jokes I’ve received and read online about Mr. Suresh Kalmadi and CWG. Well, it’s quite a bit serious matter but such a huge mess gave us chance to make fun of CWG.

Well as far as I see Mr. Kalmadi’s work profile I really doubt someone who has worked in Indian Airforce for almost 11 years with eight medals in his career can get involved in such a big scam!!
I do not doubt on politics anyways.

Last night I heard Mr. Suresh Kalmadi’s interview about CWG; who was ready for any kind of Judicial Inquiry and was conveying “Hang me if I’m found guilty”. Well if it’s corruption it’s not just one man!! We all know…

I’m not sure what’ll be the actions taken to all this huge corruption, irresponsibility and risking pride of India after the Common Wealth Games!!

Here you go with TOP 10 CWG – Kalmadi Jokes.

“Breaking news…. A.R. Rehman song dropped from CWG …Instead, Kalmadi will dance at the opening ceremony, to the song. Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!”

Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!

Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi. Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety

It’s amazing but true. If u rearrange the letters “SIR U MADE LAKHS”, U get “SURESH KALMADI”

Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?
Kalmadi: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)


“delhi cm Sheila Dixit to Kalmadi: Delhi badnaamhui darling tere liye!”. “Sadkein bhi jam hui, CWG tere liye”.

Next edition of CWG will be called KWG, Kalmadi Wealth Games

“A collapse a day keeps the athletes away”, Kalmadi mantra. Thus giving more scope to Indian Athletes to Win.

In the name of Ayodhya, recent Bulk SMS ban was for preventing people forwarding ‘Kalmadijokes’.

Suresh Kalmadi: We have a strong bid for Olympics.

Share if you have more :)
They are jokes and should be taken as jokes!!

22 Sep

Extreme Movie Review n Poll – Salman's Dabangg 2010

Friends, I saw movie dabangg and this is what I think about it.

Dabangg…It’s a bad movie… I don’t understand how come it became so “popular”…It’s typical South Indian styled mindless, over-‘hero centric’, senseless and pitiful storied movie… I’ll prefer to watch a South Indian movie than this. I didn’t even like action!! Damn…

And it just cannot come into comparison with 3Idiot… If 3Idiots=10 then…Dabangg=1.

My suggestion do not waste your resources watching Dabangg.  For many of you this might be a late review but I thought it’s not worth to waste my time writing about this. Its an insult to review such a bundle of crap movie. Its just publicity that gave it so much earnings.

But now, I want to know how do you like it as a movie!! As I have found differences of opinion for this with my friends. They says they really felt it from their heart and they liked it. I couldn’t digest and wanted to know what you guys think.

Please use below poll and let me know how do you like the movie Dabangg !!

[polldaddy poll=3803282]


16 Sep

MySQL Function to Convert Date To Words

Recently I saw a MySQL Stored Function requirement on Experts-Exchange for converting date into some specific words format.
You may find MySQL function for date to words conversion online; even udfs might be ready, but I decided to write my own.
I wrote this simple function mainly based on SELECT CASE to convert dates in to words as follows:

mysql>SELECT date_to_words(‘2010-05-08′);
Eighth Day of May Two Thousand Ten

Download sql file below the code.


DROP FUNCTION IF EXISTS `date_to_words` $$
CREATE FUNCTION `date_to_words` (mydate DATE) RETURNS VARCHAR(100)

/* Converts date into words */

DECLARE dateval INT;
DECLARE thousand INT;
DECLARE hundred INT;

DECLARE tensword VARCHAR(10);
DECLARE onesword VARCHAR(10);
DECLARE thousandsword VARCHAR(20);
DECLARE hundredsword VARCHAR(20);
DECLARE datevalsword VARCHAR(20);

SET yr=year(mydate);
SET dateval=day(mydate);


WHEN 1 THEN ‘First’
WHEN 2 THEN ‘Second’
WHEN 3 THEN ‘Third’
WHEN 4 THEN ‘Fourth’
WHEN 5 THEN ‘Fifth’
WHEN 6 THEN ‘Sixth’
WHEN 7 THEN ‘Seventh’
WHEN 8 THEN ‘Eighth’
WHEN 9 THEN ‘Ninth’
WHEN 10 THEN ‘Tenth’
WHEN 11 THEN ‘Eleventh’
WHEN 12 THEN ‘Twelfth’
WHEN 13 THEN ‘Thirteenth’
WHEN 14 THEN ‘Fourteenth’
WHEN 15 THEN ‘Fifteenth’
WHEN 16 THEN ‘Sixteenth’
WHEN 17 THEN ‘Seventeenth’
WHEN 18 THEN ‘Eighteenth’
WHEN 19 THEN ‘Nineteenth’
WHEN 20 THEN ‘Twentieth’
WHEN 21 THEN ‘Twenty-first’
WHEN 22 THEN ‘Twenty-second’
WHEN 23 THEN ‘Twenty-third’
WHEN 24 THEN ‘Twenty-fourth’
WHEN 25 THEN ‘Twenty-fifth’
WHEN 26 THEN ‘Twenty-sixth’
WHEN 27 THEN ‘Twenty-seventh’
WHEN 28 THEN ‘Twenty-eighth’
WHEN 29 THEN ‘Twenty-ninth’
WHEN 30 THEN ‘Thirtieth’
WHEN 31 THEN ‘Thirty-first’
END into datevalsword;

set thousand=floor(yr/1000) ;
set yr = yr – thousand * 1000;
set hundred = floor(yr / 100);
set yr = yr – hundred * 100;

IF (yr > 19) THEN
set tens = floor(yr / 10);
set yr = yr mod 10;
set tens=0;

SELECT CASE thousand
WHEN 3 THEN ‘Three’
WHEN 4 THEN ‘Four’
WHEN 5 THEN ‘Five’
WHEN 7 THEN ‘Seven’
WHEN 8 THEN ‘Eight’
WHEN 9 THEN ‘Nine’
END INTO thousandsword;
SET thousandsword=concat(thousandsword,’ Thousand ‘);

WHEN 0 then ”
WHEN 3 THEN ‘Three’
WHEN 4 THEN ‘Four’
WHEN 5 THEN ‘Five’
WHEN 7 THEN ‘Seven’
WHEN 8 THEN ‘Eight’
WHEN 9 THEN ‘Nine’
END INTO hundredsword;
if (hundredsword<>”) then
SET hundredsword=concat(hundredsword,’ Hundred ‘) ;
set hundredsword=”;
end if;

WHEN 2 THEN ‘Twenty’
WHEN 3 THEN ‘Thirty’
WHEN 4 THEN ‘Fourty’
WHEN 5 THEN ‘Fifty’
WHEN 6 THEN ‘Sixty’
WHEN 7 THEN ‘Seventy’
WHEN 8 THEN ‘Eigthy’
WHEN 9 THEN ‘Ninety’
END INTO tensword;

WHEN 3 THEN ‘Three’
WHEN 4 THEN ‘Four’
WHEN 5 THEN ‘Five’
WHEN 7 THEN ‘Seven’
WHEN 8 THEN ‘Eight’
WHEN 9 THEN ‘Nine’
WHEN 10 THEN ‘Ten’
WHEN 11 THEN ‘Eleven’
WHEN 12 THEN ‘Twelve’
WHEN 13 THEN ‘Thirteen’
WHEN 14 THEN ‘Fourteen’
WHEN 15 THEN ‘Fifteen’
WHEN 16 THEN ‘Sixteen’
WHEN 17 THEN ‘Seventeen’
WHEN 18 THEN ‘Eighteen’
WHEN 19 THEN ‘Nineteen’
END into onesword;

return concat(datevalsword, ‘ Day of ‘, date_format(mydate,’%M’),’ ‘,thousandsword,hundredsword, tensword,’ ‘,onesword);
END $$


Download SQL Code for converting date to words.date_to_words.sql

27 Aug

Computer usage and maintenance-my 10 practices

I have already written a post for my list of must have softwares. I’ve now decided to share how I use my machine.
In this post I will post my usage and maintenance methods for personal computer. I hope this post will help you in getting great usage experience after following it.

I’m a PC Freak! I like my computer to be fast, quick and handy. I don’t much like to use mouse and love to finish as many things possible by Keyboard only. If you’re not already following, I recommend these regular computer practices.

1. I Use Shortcuts

I have shortcuts for all my regularly used tools. For example my regular shortcuts are:

Putty: Ctrl+Alt+P
Notepad: Ctrl+Alt+N
Winamp: Ctrl+Alt+M
Editplus: Ctrl+Alt+Num+
Query Brower: Ctrl+Alt+Q
WinSCP: Ctrl+Alt+V
Wordweb: Ctrl+Alt+W
Paint: Ctrl+Alt+Num1
Word: Ctrl+Alt+Num2
Excel: Ctrl+Alt+Num3
Gtalk: Ctrl+Alt+G
Firefox: Ctrl+Alt+F
Chrome: Ctrl+Alt+C
Epic: Ctrl+Alt+E

It’s quite simple to create shortcuts like this.

Start > Program > your-program > executable (Shortcut) > right click > Properties > Specify Shortcut

I think below picture will explain it better.

Create Shortcut

2. I Clean My Desktop

Normally my machine has a black background / “beautiful” picture (you cannot take your eyes off) with no desktop icons :)
To remove all desktop icons I do:
Right Click on Desktop > Arrange Icons By > Uncheck Show Desktop Icon
Check Image:

3. I Use More Shortcuts

There are many basic and regularly used shortcuts I use regularly:
Minimize all windows: Flag+M
Switch between windows: Alt+Tab
Switch reverse: Alt+Shift+Tab (I think this is little less known)
On Windows Vista / Win7 system you get more animated Flat+Tab buttons.

… and I use even more shortcuts… seems like I need to dedicate one post for shortcuts :)


4. I Do Save Power and Follow Security

When ever I go away, I lock (Ctrl+L) my machine and turn my monitor off. Well, it saves power too :)


Right-click the desktop > click Properties.
In the Display Properties dialog box > click the Screen Saver tab > click the Power button.

You can set your power options respectively.

5. I Hate Automatic Updates

I make sure my windows automatic update is turned off.
Go to System Properties [Flag+Break] > Automatic Updates > Turn off Automatic Updates.

6. I Get Back to Work Quickly-Hibernate

I do also enable Hibernate. Hibernation will save your current session in memory and shuts your computer. But it provides instant startup :)
Start > Control Panel > Power Options Properties > Hibernete Tab > Check Enable Hibernate.
See Snap:

setting hibernate

7. I Don’t Start Unnecessary Things

Remove unnecessary startup:
Start > Run [Flag+R]
Type “msconfig” and press enter. This will open ‘System Configuration Utility’.
On ‘Startup’ tab I uncheck unnecessary services.

8.  I Check And Stop Unnecessary Services

Also I make sure no unnecessary service consume my machine’s memory by disabling them. Eg. I Disable ‘Automatic Updates’.
Start > Run [Flag+R]

9. I Don’t System Restore

System Restore is something that stores changes to my machine and enables restore it to particular point. But I disable it. It saves memory and risk of restoration of Viruses, in case. ;)

10. I Defragment

I also defragment my drives approx once a month.
Start > Run [Flag+R]

Do respond with your suggestions and review for my practices.

25 Aug

Shutter Speed & F-stop: Sony DSC HX1 Photography

Yesterday I was traveling from Ahmedabad to Vadodara and luckily I carried my DSC HX1 with me. I was even lucky that I was incapable of driving and was on front seat. No doubt my hand and car vibrations helped a bit in getting those designs. :)

I decided experiment with shutter speed for my Digital Camera and got some nice lightening decorations.

I was in Manual shooting mode; for most of the pics below I’ve used f-value (Aperature diameter) F8.0 and exposure is +2.0 unless specified otherwise. Minimum shutter speed I could set was NR 30″.

ISO is something I have not dared to play with till now, so I let my DSC HX1 use it Auto.

Okay so here I go with few of my shutter speed controlled light drawings :)

Right, a lot of vibrations caused those bumps… Further I decreased it to 30 Sec and I got:

Well, below is my steady shot (no Vibrations) for 10 second near Vadodara Toll Booth.

Suddenly I realised the full moon and changed focus to sky along with Exposure time 1/1250 and then 1/2000 Sec respectively.

Btw check above results with my previous capture [F/5.2, Exposure Time 1/30 Sec].

-- Kedar Vaijanapurkar --