Jokes Fun One-liners: Anti-bored Dose – I

It’s been long I have read jokes online, but last week I happen to read a few best jokes.

Mostly these are all realted to technology / IT / Computers and persons in those fields but each joke is hilarious.
Few are very old and you might have heard em many times but they’re must recall 🙂
Along with that there are oneliner / funny quotes included as well..
Have a great time…. Share more if you have better…so read ON…

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but It’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below replies, “You must work in management.”
“I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

One SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”.

A Physicist, an Engineer and a Tester were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed”.
The engineer said “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong”.
The Tester said “Why don’t see if it’s reproducible?”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

Q: “Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
A: Inheritance

To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
“Hey, don’t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn’t you see the giant warning on the box?!”
“That’s OK” says the guy, puffing casually “I’m a computer programmer”
“So? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“We don’t care about warnings. We only care about errors.”

In the 1960’s the KGB was very interested in learning everything possible about the American space program, sending all sorts of spies to find every possible piece of information.
One afternoon, a breathless spy returned to headquarters with a page of paper in his hand, excitedly shouting to his superior, “Comrade! Comrade! The Americans are using Lisp to write their rocket launching software!”
The commander was skeptical. “How do you know?”
“I broke into their research lab and stole a page from the teletype machine! It’s not the whole program, but it’s the final page and contains the concluding logic of the program! See for yourself!!!!”
The commander looked at the page and smiled:


“Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use regular expressions.” Now they have two problems.”

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.

A novice programmer was explained the meaning of RTFM. He showed up the next day saying: “So I went out and bought the Kama Sutra. Now what?”

Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, “hey, I want don’t any race conditions like last time !”

The non-programmer thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes while a programmer is convinced that a kilometer is 1024 meters

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth an eighth, and so on.
The bartender looks at the line going out the door,turns to the line and says “you guys suck!”.
Then he pours two beers and walks away.
[A borrowed explanation to above joke!! 😉 Mathematical explaination :– The solution to such a problem is s = (a1)/(1-k). Where a1 is the first number, and k is the constant rate of increase or decrease. k<1 means convergence, so you get s = (1)/(1-0,5) = 2

Why doesn’t C++ have a garbage collector?
Because there would be nothing left!

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

Yo mamma so fat that not even Dijkstra is able to find a shortest path around her.

Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.

IT is a funny industry. Can you think of any other group of people that would make an acronym as an excuse to say sexy (SCSI) and have everyone mispronounce it as scuzzy.

So which is your favorite?

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